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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny hoodies and other funny jokes |
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Insect Joke
What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly ? Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !
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Ethnic Joke - 1
The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude. 'Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui!' the Frenchman said, smacking his lips. So the Italian shot her.
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Bath Joke
Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold bath every morning. Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor. Doctor: You do? Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water!
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?
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Irish Joke
Pat was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the hill the next morning, the priest said, 'Careful now, boys; mind ye don't bump the gatepost again'
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School Joke for Kids
The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream. Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it. Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth. Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear. Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is a small field mouse. Looking at the scene, the mouse thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, then fish will leap out of the water, the bear will rush out at the fish, the hunter will take a shot at the bear, and I'll have just enough time to run out and grab the cheese in the hunter's sack. Lazing in a tree which overhangs the river, is a cat. The cat looks down at the scene, and thinks to itself, if that fly drops two inches, the fish will jump up to catch it, and the bear will come out to catch the fish, the hunter will take a shot at the bear, and the mouse will run to get the cheese . . . then I'll be able to pounce down onto the mouse as it leaves its hole. Suddenly, the fly drops two inches . . . Immediately everyone is thrown into wild furious action. The fish leaps out of the water, and snaps the fly in its mouth. The bear lunges into the stream and catches the fish in its mouth. The hunter bursts out of his grassy cover and fires at the bear. The mouse forgets totally about the cheese, and the cat gets such a fright it overbalances and falls into the stream . . . What's the moral of the story?If a fly drops two inches, a pussy gets wet!
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Funny Kids Joke
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old?Six weeks old!What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?This is the end of me!Policeman: 'One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle. 'Zoo Keeper: 'Nonsense, none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!'Why do the elephants have short tails?Because they can't remember long stories!How to you keep an elephant in suspense?I'll tell you tomorrow!'Dad, Mum is fighting with an enormous elephant in the garden!''Don't worry dear, I'm sure the elephant can look after itself!' My elephants got no trunk?How does it smell?Terrible!What do elephants sing at christmas?Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants. . . Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?Elephanta Claus!
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Sport Joke
Top Baseball Player Demands From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August '12
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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