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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny home movies and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cyprus ! Cyprus who ? Cyprus the bell !
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Law Enforcement Joke
'The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile. ''If you run, you'll only go to jail tired. ''So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?''Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?''Warning! You want a warning? O. K. , I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. ''The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?''Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven. ''Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid. ''No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want. ''Just how big were those two beers?'In God we trust, all others are suspects. '
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Dirty Joke
A young woman goes to her doctor complaining that the insides of her upper thighs have turned green. The doctor examined her and asked her if by any chance she went out with a Romany. When she said yes the doctor said 'Well tell him his ear rings aren't real gold!!!'
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Totally Weird Joke
A couple from earth has finally saved up enough money to take a vacation on mars (they could do that then). So they go to mars and meet a martain couple and start talking about they way they do things and come to the subject of sex. They decide to switch partners for the night to see what happens. The human woman and the man martain go into a room and the martain strips but his thing is the size of a pencil (whoa), and the woman says, 'um, how is this going to work?'The martain man replies 'Oh, not big enough? Okay then. 'All of a sudden he starts slapping his forehead and his thing grows longer. 'Um, that's good but isn't it still a little thin?'No problem' the martain man replies. Then he starts pulling his ears and it grows wider. The woman is amazed by this and they have wonderful sex. The next day they meet and the human man asks his wife how it was and she said 'Oh my, it was wonderful! How was your night?'The man replied, 'It was awful!!The martain woman kept slapping my forehead and puling my ears!'
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - House Wife Barbie . . . dressed in ratty, old housecoat; comes with dirty laundry and sink full of dishes
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Ouch Joke
A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, 'I will grant you three wishes. ' The man's first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF** The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, etc. The man could not think of anything for his third wish, so he went out for a ride in his Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to sing along: 'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner. . . '
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Best Joke
A guy says, 'For our Twentieth , I'm taking my wife to Australia. ' His friend says, 'That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth ?' The first guy says, 'I'm going to go back and get her. '
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Free Adult Joke
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?Footprints in the butter!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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