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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny holiday t shirts and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
TEACHER: 'Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?' JOHNNY: 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time. '
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Animal Joke
What do u get if u cross bambi wit a ghost? BAMBOO
What is a duck's favourite TV show? THE FEATHER FORECAST
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At Work Joke
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: 'Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good. 'The next day when they come home his wife asks, 'How was your day?'The man says: 'Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!'The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, 'And what happened today in your office, honey?'She says, 'Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!'
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Joke for Kids
Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:17. 'I finished the Oreos. '16. 'Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds. '15. 'Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby. . !!'14. 'I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!'13. 'Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl. '12. 'Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella. '11. 'Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt. '10. 'Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!'9. 'I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?'8. 'Are your ankles supposed to look like that?'7. 'Get your *own* ice cream. '6. 'Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today. '5. 'Got milk ?'4. 'Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney. '3. 'Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!'2. 'Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water. . . 'And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:1. 'You don't have the guts to pull that trigger. . . '
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Kids Joke
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with 'I'. Little Johnny: I is. . . Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say 'I am. 'Little Johnny: All right. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mamas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
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College Humor
WHY ? . . . . . . 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? 7. Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing? 8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game' when we are already there?10. Why are they called 'stands' when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it call 'after dark' when it really is 'after light' ? 12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites? 14. Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean opposite things? 15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Food and Drink Joke
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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