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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny happy birthday wishes and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore? -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Button ! Button who ? Button in is not polite !
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Priceless Joke
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while the other beggar's hat remains empty. A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck 'My son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David around your neck?'On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his neck turns to the other beggar and says 'Moshe, can you believe this priest trying to tell us how to run our business!'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. January '12
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Fun Joke
Dave Barry on your husband's midlife crisis:If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis, at first you should try to humor him. If he wants to buy a ludicrously impractical sports car, tell him you think it's a terrific idea. If he wants to wear 'younger' clothes, help him pick them out. If he wants to start seeing other women, shoot him in the head.
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Strange Humor
A guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph when he saw the flashing red and blue lights. Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and pulled over to the side. The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a word. He looked at the driver and said, 'I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!'The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a reply. 'Last week my wife ran off with a cop, ' he said, ' and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!''Off you go, ' said the officer.
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Dirty Joke
What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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Weirdest Joke
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?' The guy says, 'No, what?' 'He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!', says the bartender. 'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, ' replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff. ' He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. 'Did you see what your monkey did now?', he asks. 'Now what?', responds the patron. 'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!' says the barkeeper. 'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, ' replied the patron. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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