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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny happy birthday messages and other funny jokes |
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Instrument Joke
Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade. Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?A: The knocking gets slower. Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?A: The knocking gets faster. Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?A: The bass player notices. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?A: A drummer. Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?A: Homeless. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. Q: What did the drummer get on his I. Q. test?A: Drool. If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
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Blonde Joke - 1
How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for french fries.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
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Stupid Blonde Joke
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run - she is still holding the grenade!
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Ethnic Joke - 1
During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff occured along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled 'Hey Juan!'. . . . . A soldier jumped up and replied 'What?' The general shot him dead. This continued for three days. A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out 'Hey John!!' An American replied 'John isn't here. . . . . . is that you Juan?' The Mexican general stood up, 'Yeah?!'. . . . .
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Dumb People Joke
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!' 'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket. ' 'Oh really, ' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'
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Dirty Joke
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one That's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her. . . they kiss. . . and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?' The woman says, 'You can have any prize
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Doctor Joke
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass. ' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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