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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny halloween outfits and other funny jokes |
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Animal Joke
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said 'No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly. ' 'OK, ' said the judge, 'then you want to live with your mother, right?' 'No way!' replied baby bear, 'She beats me worse than Papa bear does. ' The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. 'Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?' asked the judge. 'Yes, ' answered baby bear, 'my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago. ' 'You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?' asked the judge. 'Oh definitely, ' said baby bear, 'the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody. '
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Weather Joke
Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues
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Aardvark Joke
Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? Ronald MacAardvark!
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Law Enforcement Joke
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
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Priceless Joke
What is black, blue, red, and brown?A Brewnette that has told to many Blonde Joke. What does a brewnette always miss at a great party?The invitation. Why are blonde jokes so short?So that brewnettes can understand them. What is a fine lookin' man with a brewnette?A hostage.
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Fishing Joke
What kind of fish will help you hear better ? A herring aid !
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Computing Joke
CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately. RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:1. A password must be at least six characters long, and must not contain two occurrences of a character in a row, or a sequence of two or more characters from the alphabet in forward or reverse order. Example: HGQQXP is an invalid password. GFEDCB is an invalid password. 2. A password may not contain two or more letters in the same position as any previous password. Example: If a previous password was GKPWTZ, then NRPWHS would be invalid because PW occurs in the same position in both passwords. 3. A password may not contain the name of a month or an abbreviation for a month. Example: MARCHBC is an invalid password. VWMARBC is an invalid password. 4. A password may not contain the numeric representation of a month. Therefore, a password containing any number except zero is invalid. Example: WKBH3LG is invalid because it contains the numeric representation for the month of March. 5. A password may not contain any words from any language. Thus, a password may not contain the letters A, or I, or sequences such as AT, ME, or TO because these are all words. 6. A password may not contain sequences of two or more characters which are adjacent to each other on a keyboard in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal direction. Example: QWERTY is an invalid password. GHNLWT is an invalid password because G and H are horizontally adjacent to each other. HUKWVM is an invalid password because H and U are diagonally adjacent to each other. 7. A password may not contain the name of a person, place, or thing. Example: JOHNBOY is an invalid password. Because of the complexity of the password selection rules, there is actually only one password which passes all the tests. To make the selection of this password simpler for the user, it will be distributed to all supervisors. All users are instructed to obtain this password from his or her supervisor and begin using it immediately.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. 'The judge'll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We're dead!' 'I don't think so, ' his attorney told him. 'I sent it in the other lawyer's name!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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