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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny grace before meals and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
Worst Analagies Written By High SchoolersHe spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and 'Jeopardy' comes on at 7 p. m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw. quid55328. comaaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw. quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man. 'Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p. m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p. m. at a speed of 35 mph. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, 'Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser. ' 'Oh really, hmm, didn't know that. ' Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. 'I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care. ' The second Englishman remarked, 'You just don't know how to set him off. . . watch and learn. ' So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!' 'Oh really, hmm, didn't know that. ' Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. 'You're right. He's unshakable!' The third Englishman remarked, 'Boys, I'll really tick him off. . . just watch. ' So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped hi m on the shoulder and said, 'I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!' 'Yeah, That's what your buddies were trying to tell me. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced. Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man. Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly
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Simple Joke
Q: How to communicate with a fish? A: Drop him a line!
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Berlin ! Berlin who ? Berlin maiden over !
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Situations Humor
A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and wasstarting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while there starting eyeing the bag boy. On the way out to the car she decided to make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered, ' You know, I've got and itchy pussy. . . . ' The boy replied, 'Well you're gonna have to point it out, ma'am, all those Japanese cars look alike to me!'
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Insect Joke
Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito? Because an itch in time saves nine.
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Funny Famous Joke
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, 'How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?'The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote -'I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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