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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny golf trophies and other funny jokes |
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At Work Joke
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Sumo Barbie . . . comes with thong
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Religious Joke
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent 'Easy Reading' to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, 'An 'R'! They left out the 'R'. ' God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, 'It's the letter 'R' . . . the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!'
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them.
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Joke for Dummies
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!Then the phone rings. . . It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'Bud says, 'No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing. ''We ought to do this more often. ''Yeah, well, there's just one thing. . . . ''What's that?''Have you farted yet?''No. . . . . ''Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!'
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Free Adult Joke
Lights not burning too bright. Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top. Like a loose-leaf folder in winter. Like a one-armed man climbing a rope. Likes dunking for french fries. Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend / jumped the track. Lives in La-la-land. Lives in the same world, but a different universe. Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. Long on dry wall, short on studs. Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room. Looks for the 'Any' key. Loose chip on the microprocessor board. Loose wire to his headset/ringer. Low on thinking gas. Low-bandwidth as an information source. Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps. Made a career out of mid-life crisis. Mainspring's wound too tight. Makes a black hole look bright. Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good. Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written. Mental software is Version 1. 0 / still in beta test. Mentally qualified for handicapped parking. Metronome needs oil. Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind. Mind like a steel sieve. Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice / nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.
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Marriage Joke
A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, 'Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant. ' 'But you are not wearing any of those things. ' 'I know, ' she said. 'It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry. '
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Children Joke
William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door, ' said mum. 'yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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