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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny golf headcovers and other funny jokes |
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Farmer Joke
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She's not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: 'Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?' The farmer writes back: 'Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried. ' But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don't find one single weapon. The farmer then writes to his wife: 'Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal. 16. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high. 17. Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the bath to pee. 18. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is. 19. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman. 20. Husbands are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.
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Dead and dying Joke
Why are you crying Fred? asked the teacher. ' 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . . ' 'Fred, ' said the teacher. 'You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots. ' 'Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier. '
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?A: He felt funny!Q: What's striped and bouncy?A: A tiger on a pogo stick!Q: What is the cat's favorite TV show?A: The evening mews!Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?A: Smack a lion!Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?A: Hailing taxi cabs!Q: How is cat food sold?A: Usually purr can!Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?A: A tiger moth!Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?A: 'Let us prey. '
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Political Joke
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
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Political Joke
A little girl asked her father, 'Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?' And he replied, 'No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise. . . ''
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Best Joke Online
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?A: Toes Go In First.
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Satire Joke
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, 'PIG!!' The man immediately leans out his window and replies, 'BITCH!!' They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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