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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny golf head covers and other funny jokes |
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Gender Joke
How to be politically correct with womenShe is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE. She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
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Doctor Joke
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits . ' All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?'
'Eventually,' said the Doctor, 'she will rise and shine!'
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Zoo Joke
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, 'If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!'
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School Joke for Kids
A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered. The baby looked up at him and said, 'Are you my father?'The doctor said, 'No, I am the doctor that delivered you. ' Then the doctor handed the baby to the nurse. While the nurse was cleaning the baby the baby looked at the nurse and said, 'Are you my father?'The nurse said, 'No, I am just the nurse. ' Then the nurse gave the baby to the new father. The baby looked at him and said, 'Are you my father?'The new father said proudly, 'Yes! I am your father. 'Then the baby started poking his father in the forehead over and over again and said, 'So how do YOU like it?!'
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Humor Joke
A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone. He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property. Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers. He looks down, sees a snail there. The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, - 'WHAT WAS THAT FOR?'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
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Weirdest Joke
An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. 'What was the name of the Instructor?' asked the neighbor. 'Oh, ummmm, let's see, ' the old man pondered. 'You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?' 'A rose?' asked the neighbor. 'Yes, that's it, ' replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, 'Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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