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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny gifts uk and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, 'Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?' The bartender quickly replies -, 'The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street. '
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Bicycle Joke
I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. Farcical?
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Christmas Joke - 1
(Sung to the tune of 'Winter Wonderland')Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin
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Political Joke
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word 'tragedy. ' 'Well, ' one girl replied, 'If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!' The President smiled at the little girl and said, 'No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?' A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, 'I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!' The President shook his head and said, 'No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?' A small girl raised her hand and said, 'Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!' 'Very good, ' he said. 'And what was your reason for that answer?' 'Well, ' she said, 'It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!'
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Dirty Joke
There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here's the answer: It's simple. . . . . . . . . nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D. C.
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Sports Humor
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. 'What happened?' says the wife. 'You should have been home hours ago!' 'Harry had a heart attack at the third hole, ' replied the husband. 'Oh, that's terrible, ' says the wife. 'I know, ' the husband answers. 'All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry. . . '
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?A: Because you can't bury them in trees!Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?A: He was trying to make both ends meet!Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?A: A collie-flower!Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?A: 'Because no one else will do it for them!' Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!Q: What is the dogs favorite city?A: New Yorkie!Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?A: Growlcho Marx!Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?A: 'Well, doggone!' Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: He stole the show!Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?A: It chases parked cars!
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Romance Joke
Science alertScientists have just discovered something that cando the work of five men: a woman.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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