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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny gifts for women and other funny jokes |
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Political Joke
George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems. 'Dubya, ' said his PR guy, 'We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college. ''It's true, ' replied Bush, 'but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose. '
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Monster Joke
Why was the monster standing on his head? He was turning things over in his mind.
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Worst Joke
There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie. Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said, 'I'll grant you one wish'. So the mexican says - 'ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy'. The genie grants the mexicans wish. . . and turned him into a tampon!
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Space Joke
How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ! Ahmed ! Ahmed who ? Ahmed a big mistake coming here !
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Lawyer Joke
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. 'Twelve dollars for the rat, sir, ' says the shop owner, 'and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it. ' 'You can keep the story, old man, ' he replies, 'but I'll take the rat. ' The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. 'Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story, ' says the owner. 'No, ' says the tourist, 'I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer. '
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Family Comedy Joke
Alimony:1) A contraction of the term 'all-his-money'. 2) A splitting headache. 3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got. 4) Paying for something you don't get. 5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow. 6) The high cost of leaving. 7) The last laugh. 8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook. 9) Buying oats for a runaway horse. 10) A woman's cash surrender value. 11) The billing minus the cooing. Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts. Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony. Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy. What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time. He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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