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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny gifts for men and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion. 'What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?' asked the Rabbi. 'Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job. ' replied the Priest. 'Yes, and then what?' asked the Rabbi. 'Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop. ' said the Priest. 'Yes, and then?' asked the Rabbi. 'If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible for me to become a full Bishop. ' said the Priest. 'O. K. , then what?' asked the Rabbi. The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, 'With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal. ' 'And then?' asked the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, 'With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope. ' 'Yes, and then what?' asked the Rabbi. 'Good grief!' shouted the Priest. 'What do you expect me to become, GOD?' 'Well, ' said the Rabbi, 'One of our boys made it!'
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Internet Joke
What did the hypnotist say when he got his own website. . . . Hyp, Hyp Hooray.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What's the capital of Afghanistan? A: KABOOM!!
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Computer Joke
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that: 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon. ' In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a news release stating: 'If GM had developed technology like Microsoft we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day
Every time you painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you'd have to reinstall the engine. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or CarNT'. But then you would have to buy more seats. MacIntosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5 per cent of the roads. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light. Now seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary) even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more (Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department). Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. You'd press the start button to shut off the engine'.
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E-mail Joke
What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails? Beast wishes.
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Dinosaur Joke
Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance.
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Aviation Joke
ATC: 'Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ' Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating. ' ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years. '
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Hunting Joke
What is the best way to hunt bear ? With your clothes off.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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