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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny get well soon cards and other funny jokes |
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Great Joke
One day Ms. Nelson, a kindergarden teacher, was giving a lesson on imagination. What she would do was hold an item behind her back, give a few descriptions of the item, and ask the kids to guess what it was. First she said to the children 'I have something long and yellow behind my back. ' The kids suggested a pencil. Ms. Nelson said 'no, i'm holding a bannana, but I like you all's imagination. Next she said' I have something round and red'. Little Johnny stood up and guessed it was a ball. Ms. Nelson told Johnny it was an apple but she liked Johnny's imagination. Johnny had an idea. He told his teacher, 'I have something in my pocket that's warm and it has a head on it. Well Ms. Nelson got really upset and told Johnny he was to go to the principal's office for being soo dirty minded. Little Johnny then said, ' No, Ms. Nelson, it's a quarter, but I LIKE YOU'RE IMAGINATION!!!
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Easy to Remember Joke
A doctor tells his patient -'I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you'. So, the patient asks, 'What's the good news, Doc?'And the doctor says, 'They're going to name a disease after you!'
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Computers Joke
Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to findout whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as 'HE' because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model. The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as 'SHE' because: 1. No one but the creator understands their logic. 2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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Car and train Joke
One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, 'What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!' Then the driver responded, 'Don't worry, my mother allways drives like this. ' So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, 'I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!' The driver looked at the passenger and responded, 'I get it! But like I told already, you my mother drives like this all the time!' Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. 'What the hell are you doing?' The passenger screamed. 'This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?' The driver replied, 'That's my mom's car coming over there!'
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Various animal Joke
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, 'What would you like?' the fish says holding his neck, 'Water'.
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Science Joke
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swalow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
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Aardvark Joke
What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks!
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Car and train Joke
What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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