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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny general knowledge questions and other funny jokes |
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Doctor Joke
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?Nurse: No. Is it missing?
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Horse Joke
One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: 'I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him. ' 'He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale,' the farmer said. The man insisted, 'I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to $1,000. ' 'He doesn't look so good,' the farmer said, 'but if you want him that much, he's yours. ' The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, 'You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!' The farmer calmly replied, 'I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?'
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Top 100 Joke
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. Stud Tires Out Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails Veterinarian Takes Over Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again British Left Waffles on Falkland islands Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
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Book title Joke
Communicating with Cattle by I. Ken Mooue
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Worst Joke
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, 'Can I smell your Pussy?' The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, 'Of course not!' The drunk man replies. . . . . . . 'Oh, then it must be your feet. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
MONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBealTUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right 9:30 No-witness NewsWEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy 9:00 Judge Saddam 9:30 (edited)THURSDAY 8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi 8:30 Achmed's Creek 9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses 9:30 My Two BaghdadsFRIDAY 8:00 Just Shoot Me 8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things 9:00 M*U*S*T* A*S*H 9:30 Veilwatch
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $'7
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Joke for Kids
Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8. 50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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