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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny garden ornaments and other funny jokes |
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Time Joke
If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing? Because you don't have the time.
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Instrument Joke
Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside. Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists. Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde, 'I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat. ' The blonde replied, 'Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York. ' The attendant said, 'That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat. ' The blonde responded again, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York. ' This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach. The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, 'I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
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Rabbit Joke
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.
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Sport Joke
Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8. 50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
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Dog Joke - 2
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
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Accountant Joke
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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