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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny games oud and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. 'What happened?' she asks. 'I've never been with a woman, ' he says. 'But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!'
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Village Idiot Joke
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. 'Well, ' replies Paul, 'you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?' 'Yes, ' replies Jeff with a laugh. 'Well, ' says Paul, straightening up, 'I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed. ' 'That's great!' says Jeff, 'When are you going out?' 'I went to meet her this evening, ' continues Paul, 'but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show. ' 'Sensible' says Jeff. 'So I get to her door, ' says Paul, 'and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw. ' 'And what happened then?' (Paul slumps back over the bar again. ) 'I kicked her in the face. '
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Doctor Joke
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
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Dumb Men Joke
A MAN'S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because 'alarm didn't work'. 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while 'enjoying' favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at stop light. Open window to air out car. 7. Get to work at MacDonalds. Pass gas in bathroom (for all patrons to enjoy). Forget to wash hands. 8. Lunch. Double cheesy cheeseburger and supersized fries. Pass gas. 9. Arrive home. Pass gas. Have a beer. Pass gas. 10. Tell wife you want sex. Belch. Finish early, belch and fall asleep. 11. Get up at 3 A. M. waking wife but instead of finishing her off, return to computer to talk in the chat rooms - imagining what a stud you are, chatting with all those 'gorgeous women' online. Pass gas.
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Police Joke
Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. 'Well, ' says the old fellow, 'I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. 'The policeman looks at the old man and says, 'You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!'So the old man says, 'I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!'
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Car and train Joke
Did you hear about the girl who was so keen on road safety that she always wore white at night ? Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough
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Golf Joke
The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation.
'Your holiness,' said one of the Cardinals, 'Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match. '
The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life.
'Not to worry,' said the Cardinal, 'We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.
We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres. . . . we can't lose!'
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
'I came in second, your Holiness,' said Nicklaus.
'Second!?' exclaimed the surprised Pope. 'You came in second to Shimon Peres!!??'
'No,' said Nicklaus, 'second to Rabbi Palmer. '
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School Joke for Kids
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. 'Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love. 'The old man replied, 'I thought so . . . would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking the shit out of my ducks!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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