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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny games for children and other funny jokes |
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Legal Humor
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?Perfect setup for skeet shooting.
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Free Adult Joke
To my dear wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often. We will wake the children. . . . . . . 17 times It's too late. . . . . . . 15 times I'm too tired. . . . . . . 5 times It's too early. . . . . . . 52 times It's too hot. . . . . . . 15 times Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear. . . . . . . 9 times Backache. . . . . . . 2 times Headache. . . . . . . 16 times Sunburnt. . . . . . . 10 times Your mother will hear us. . . . . . . 6 times Not in the mood. . . . . . . 21 times Will wake the baby. . . . . . . 17 times Watching the late TV show. . . . . . . 7 times Too sore. . . . . . . 9 times New hairdo. . . . . . . 4 times Wrong time of the month. . . . . . . 4 times You had to go to the toilet. . . . . . . 9 timesOn the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you to tell you I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. Your loving husband. To my dear husband, I think you have things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat. . . . . . . 7 times Didn't come home. . . . . . . 29 times Didn't come. . . . . . . 14 times Came too soon. . . . . . . 26 times Went soft before you got in. . . . . . . 18 times Toes in cramp. . . . . . . 9 times Working late. . . . . . . 49 times Said you had a rash, probably from a loo seat. . . . . . . 21 times In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls. . . . . . . 4 times Caught it in your zipper. . . . . . . 6 times Got a cold, your nose keeps running. . . . . . . 14 times Brewer's droop. . . . . . . 95 times Tea was too hot, you burnt your tongue. . . . . . . 9 times Had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . 4 times Lost the notion after thinking about it all day. . . . . . . 13 times Came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book. . . . . . . 8 timesOf the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you had missed and was stuffing the sheets. I wasn't talking about a crack in the ceiling, what I said was 'Would you prefer it on your back or with me kneeling?'The times you felt me move were because you had farted and I was trying to breathe. However, 6 months ago I phoned Alcoholics Anonymous for help and their representative has been calling most afternoons. Your loving wife.
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Military Joke
Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: '22
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Computer Joke
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, 'It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!'
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Technology Joke
What's the difference between a whale and a dyke? Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt.
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Joke for Halloween
Two old guys, like 80 yrs. old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores. The woman was like, they're old, what are they gonna know. So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls. After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #'2
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Miscellaneous Joke
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute. She wakes up shocked and sees this koala bear going down on her, and she decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him 'Hey, you have to pay for that'. The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door. The prostitute yells at him again, 'Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a prostitute'. She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition. PROSTITUTE (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services. The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear. KOALA (n. ) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
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Rabbit Joke
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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