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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny games family restaurant and other funny jokes |
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Just for Laughs Joke
The Gutter-Mind Test!1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?6). What does a dog do that you can step into?7). What is a 4-letter word that begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?======================================================================*** The Correct Answers ***1. talk2. legs3. a twenty dollar bill4. firetruck5. bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt6. pants7. fork8. Almond Joy candy bar9. grit10. last name
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Clean Humor
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. 'What are those for?' she asked suspiciously. 'I'm a juggler, ' the man replied. 'I use those in my act. ' The officer wanting to be sure so he asked 'Please step out of the car and show me. ' So he got out with the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, 'My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the tests they're giving now!'
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Bumper Stickers - 7
You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot
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Weird Women Joke
You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.
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Gorilla Joke
What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!
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Elephant Joke
Who do elephants get their christmas presents from ? Elephanta Claus !
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Accountant Joke
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him. 'How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don't you?' The young partner is offended. 'Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England. '
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Joke Online
If IBM made toasters . . . They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters . . . Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters. If Apple made toasters . . . It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. If Xerox made toasters . . . You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you. If Radio Shack made toasters . . . The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. If Oracle made toasters . . . They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke. If Sun made toasters . . . The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java. If Hewlett-Packard made toasters . . . They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread. If The Rand Corporation made toasters . . . It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it. If Sony made toasters . . . The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt. If Fisher Price made toasters . . . 'Baby's First Toaster' would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box. If the Franklin Mint made toasters . . . Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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