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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny feet and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? Pupil: The sausage!
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Weirdest Joke
You know you're a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
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Spoof Joke
Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition. Check those that apply. . ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i. e. , I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. ___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands! ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. ___The phrase 'My Mother' has popped up far too often in conversation. ___You still live with your parents. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip. ___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time. Sincerely, ________
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Aviation Joke
Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, 'No way, ten dollars is ten dollars. 'The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement. The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, 'I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars. So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could. Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port. 'I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?''Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Celeste ! Celeste who ? Celeste time I lend you money !
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Miscellaneous Joke
1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money. 2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call. 3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a 'spider person. ' 4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: 'Don't let him in! He's the killer!' 5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it. 6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: 'I hope I fixed it this time. ' 7) Beep when a large person backs up. 8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the 'little men. ' 9) Insist on making inanimate objects 'dance' 10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public. 11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds. 12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car. 13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster. 14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises. 15) Insist that life is 'one big musical, ' then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hungon the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirtsand old underwear. I was working the night shiftcompiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a suddenthere arose such a clatter, I leapt from my deskto see what was the matter! I opened the doorwith a creak and a crick, And saw a jolly red fat manI knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picturea time or two, He was wanted:Article 27 - Section 342. I threw open the doorand commanded him 'Freeze!''Put your hands on you headand get down on your knees. ' But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew, With me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roofSanta made for his sleigh, Throwing down toysand blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I felllanding flat on my back. To my front I was facedwith a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangerscovering my flank. 'On Dasher, on Dancer!', he cried loud and clear. Then I got off three roundsand dropped the lead deer. And I heard Santa sayas he sailed into the blue, 'Merry Christmas to all!My Lawyers will sue!'
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes? A: In France.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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