|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny fathers day cards and other funny jokes |
|
School Joke for Kids
THE FACTS OF LIFEThe 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness. . . But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
= = = = = = = = = =
Science Joke
Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncountedthousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused byaccidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxidedo not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severetissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweatingand urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and bodyelectrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMOwithdrawl means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:1. is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain2. contributes to the 'greenhouse effect'3. may cause severe burns4. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape5. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals6. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes7. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patientsCONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS!Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and thecontaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has causedmillions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recentlyCalifornia. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:- as an industrial solvent and coolant- in nuclear power plants- in the production of styrofoam- as a fire retardant- in many forms of cruel animal research- in the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical- as an additive in certain 'junk-foods' and other food productsCompanies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can bedone to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact onwildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!The American government has refused to ban the production anddistribution chemical due to its 'importance to the economic health ofthis nation'. In fact, the navy and other military organizations areconducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollardevices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds ofmilitary research facilities receive tons of it through a highlysophisticated underground distribution network. Many store largequantities for later use. IT'S NOT TOO LATE!Act NOW to prevent further contamination!
= = = = = = = = = =
Parent Joke
Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, 'Pop, what's a millennium?' 'Well, ' he muttered, 'I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Firefighter Joke
During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built black man burst through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the baby safely. After a few minutes more of reassurances by the man, the mother finally let the child drop. The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child high in the air, spiked it on the ground and yelled, 'TOUCHDOWN!!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Great Joke
Your momma's so fat that when she sits on a penny Lincoln dies once again!!
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 4
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
= = = = = = = = = =
Spiked Humor
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem. Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed. Sister: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later. . . Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later. . . Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later. . . Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. Priest: You're probably right. . . get up and get your own damn blanket!
= = = = = = = = = =
Naughty Joke
Great A Hot & Juicy Story Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten. So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, 'Hey, Mama Bird! You got a sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?' 'Wendy, ' she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my Quarter-Pounder. She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, 'Holy enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over at the Colonel's place, and I probably won't see another 'til Foster freezes over. And believe me, I relish the thought of squeezin' the mayonnaise right outta that big Sloppy Joe of yours. ' I said, 'Look, honey. . . those meatheads are just horseradish. I'm the supreme Burger King around here. And by the way, aren't you hungry?' 'Yeah, ' she shot back, 'I haven't even had my breakfast, Jack. ' It wasn't long before she was munching on my Big Mac and eventually took down the whole enchilada. I could tell I wouldn't be able to hold the pickles or hold the lettuce much longer, so I just blew a whole gallon of my lo-cal secret sauce to go. She took a big gulp and giggled, 'Oooh, that's fast food. A bit salty, but quality you can taste. . . and finger lickin' good, too!' She said, 'So what's yer name, hot dog? Orange you Julius?' 'No, ' I replied, but you can call me Pizza Man, 'cause I deliver!' Well anyway, I turned her around, tore off her wrapper, and wedged my Big Boy between her patties and right up into her hot cherry bendover. She screamed, 'I FOUND THE BEEF, I FOUND THE BEEF!' which just gave me the urge to keep pounding my SuperBurrito in and out. . . in and out. . . and in and out. . . and in and out of her hot little micro. Well, we were still playing Pup 'n' Taco , when she confessed her real name wasn't Wendy. . . but Ronald. Hey, it wasn't my bag, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about taking her over to see Dr. Pepper to have him pull a Carl's Jr. out of her oven. Yeah, little did I know that I had spend the night not with a saucy little fish filet, but with a flaming Dairy Queen!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
