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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny farm hereford and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, 'can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance? Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties. '
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Accountant Joke
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. 'Was he tall or was he short?' The businessman replies, 'Both!'
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Website Joke
What's the best city to search the World Wide Web in? Rome.
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Joke for Halloween
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender 'give us two beers over here!' The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, 'Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!' The man say's to the bartender, 'oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have. 'The bartender replied back, 'well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!'The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar. The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!The bartender was amazed and says, 'alright lets try one more'. This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says 'lets see him play this!' The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile. The bartender shouted out ' See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!'And the man replies, 'Just give him a few more minutes. . . as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!'
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Bumper Stickers - 7
The Lord made us all different. . . Democrats want to make us all the same!
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Love and Marriage Joke
Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: 'Quick! My husband is back!' Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: 'Shit! But I am the husband!'
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Spiked Humor
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: 'Get a `long` little doggie!' Sign in a cafeteria: 'Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want. ' Sign on a music library's door: 'Bach in a minuet. ' Sign in a restaurant window: 'T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12' A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: 'Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow. ' Sign on restaurant window: 'Great food ('50
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Situation Joke
A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink. . . . he notices thatat the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has everseen. . . . he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must haveher. . . . He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has anySpanish-fly in the back. . . . the bartender says he will check and comesback a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder. . . . hesays to the man. . . 'this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that. . . . butthis is just as good. . . . this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to gether over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!' so the manforks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into achampagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with hiscompliments. . . . . The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero ratherdisinterestedly. . . . . but about twenty minutes later she slinks off herbarstool. . . . she saunters across the room toward our hero in a mostseductive manner. . . . oozing sensuality. . . . our hero is terrificallyexcited. . . . she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shouldersand leans in close to his ear. . . he can feel her breath on hisneck. . . . and she whispers 'Hey big boy. . . . want to go shopping?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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