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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny fancy dress outfits and other funny jokes |
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Christmas Joke - 1
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !
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Funny Famous Joke
Three doctors died and went to the Pearly Gates to be interviewed to see where they would end up. St. Peter asked the first one what he did on earth, and he said he was an obstetrician. St. Peter asked what an obstetrician did and the doc told him. 'Sounds pretty good; okay you can go in to Heaven. 'The second doc said he was a pediatrician and had to explain what that involved. St. Peter said, 'Sounds very useful, very good--you can go in too. 'The third doc said he was the chief man in charge of a whole HMO conglomerate. 'Well, what's that?' asked St. Peter. So the doc told him exactly what that involved. 'Sounds very important, very useful. You can go in too. 'So the third doc goes in the Gates and starts to walk up the stairs. St. Peter turns and calls after him, 'Oh, by the way, you can only stay three days. '
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Joke for Halloween
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 'Kitty box crunchies' are not food. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
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Spoof Joke
Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative?It's called 'Easy Cum, Easy Go'.
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes.
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Funny Kids Joke
A man telephoned London Heathrow airport. 'Can you tell me how long it takes to fly to New York from London?'
'Just a minute. '
'Wow, that is fast. I thought it would take few hours at least. '
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Dumb Men Joke
'Three Men And A Baby'. . . . . . . . What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back after having caught nothing.
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Sport Joke
How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ? Somebody took a corner !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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