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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny fancy dress ideas and other funny jokes |
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Funny Famous Joke
What do you call a depressed dentist? A little down in the mouth.
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Funny College Joke
Words From Famous Women . . . 'I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. . . and I also know that I'm not blonde. ' - Dolly Parton 'I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. ' - Roseanne 'My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ' - Rita Rudner 'He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant' - CarolLeifer 'I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. ' - Wendy Liebman 'I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. ' - Roseanne 'I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?' - Wendy Liebman 'I think-therefore I'm single' - Lizz Winstead 'Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. ' - Hedy Lamarr 'When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. ' - Elayne Boosler 'I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. ' - Gilda Radner 'Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. '- Maryon Pearson 'Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. ' - Bella Abzug 'In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. ' - Margaret Thatcher 'I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. ' - Gloria Steinem 'Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. ' - Gloria Steinem 'Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ' - Katharine Hepburn 'I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. ' - Marie Corelli 'If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?' - Linda Ellerbee 'I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. ' - Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Festival Joke
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish! Enjoy! :-)10. Read less. 9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 8. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 6. Procrastinate more. 5. Drink. Drink some more. 4. Start being superstitious. 3. Spend more time at work. 2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. and last but not least. . . 1. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!
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Stupid Blonde Joke
How are a blonde's legs like cheese wiz? They're both useless unless they're spread!
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Bumper Stickers - 2
AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!
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Bumper Stickers - 4
IF ITS TOO LOUD YOUR TOO OLD
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Jesus is coming. . . Look busy.
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Dentist Joke
While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, 'Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one Who's so gentle and understanding too. ' When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, 'Oh, that was just my Mother. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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