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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny fancy dress and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 2
Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?It's the one with the little sticker that says IDAHO.
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it's for. The bartender replies, 'Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar. 'The man asks, 'What are the tasks?''First, you have to go over to Jimmy the bouncer and knock him out with one hit. Then, well, there's a pitbull out back and you have to pull its blunt tooth out. Finally, the bosses wife is up stairs and you have to go pleasure her, but you have to put down ten dollars to play. ' said the bartender. 'Damn. ' says the man. Later that night, after several drinks, the man smacks down a ten dollar bill and says, 'I'm in. 'He walks over to the bouncer and swings. One hit he's out cold. The man falls flat on his face also, but gets up and walks out back. All you hear is the dog howling. Then the man steps back in, goes over to the bartender and asks, 'Now where's that lady with the blunt tooth. '
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Snake Joke
What's a snakes favourite flower ? Coily-flowers !
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Food and Drink Joke
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell 'Evian' backwards!
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Funny Kids Joke
Did you hear about the absent minded professor who went round in a revolving door for three hours?
He didn't know whether he was coming or going.
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Irish Joke
Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. 'Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?' said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. 'Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?' said the prison guard 'Nothing' said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. 'Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?' 'Oh', replied the Irishman, 'I'll take the German'.
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Best Joke Online
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, 'Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?' The kid said, 'Yeah. ' The cop said, 'Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike. ' The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, 'By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?' Humoring the kid, the cop said, 'Yeah, he sure did. ' The kid said, 'Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top. '
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Vampire Joke
Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ghouldilocks.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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