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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny fairy and other funny jokes |
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Old People Joke
Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, 'Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane. '
Martha always replied, 'I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars. '
One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, 'Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance. '
Martha replied, 'Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars. '
The pilot overheard them and said, 'Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars. '
Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't. '
Bill replied, 'Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. 'Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse'. 'Ssh!' hisses the other, 'It's not till next week'.
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Kids Joke
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. 'No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!' Trying to convince him further, 'Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm. ''No, she isn't, ' said Johnny. 'Why not?' 'Because I ate her first!'
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Dumb Joke
If the prefix 'con' is the opposite of the prefix 'pro', then is 'Congress' the opposite of 'progress'?
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Love and Marriage Joke
This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho MarxWe must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H. L. MenckenWhat's new? Most of my wife. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- GuitryWhen marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
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Kids Puns
What's the difference between greeting royalty and greeting President Clinton? You only go down on one knee to greet royalty!
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Funny Men Joke
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
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Computing Joke
AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button. 'I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens, ' the woman replied. 'Foot pedal?' the technician asked. 'Yes, ' the woman said, 'this little white foot pedal with the on switch. ' The 'foot pedal, ' it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operation. Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households, they now have to deal with people to whom monitors and disk drives are as foreign as another language. 'It is rather mystifying to get this nice, beautiful machine and not know anything about it, ' says Ed Shuler, a technician who helps field consumer calls at Dell's headquarters here. 'It's going into unfamiliar territory, ' adds Gus Kolias, vice president of customer service and training for Compaq Computer Corp. 'People are looking for a comfort level. 'Only two years ago, most calls to PC help lines came from techies needing help on complex problems. But now, with computer sales to homes exploding as new 'multimedia' functions gain mass appeal, PC makers say that as many as 70% of their calls come from rank novices. Partly because of the volume of calls, some computer companies have started charging help-line users. The questions are often so basic that they could have been answered by opening the manual that comes with every machine. One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual, says Steve Smith, Dell director of technical support, the woman replied angrily, 'I just paid $'2
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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