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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny face software and other funny jokes |
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Weird Women Joke
Why do they call it PMS?Mad Cow disease was already taken.
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Doctor Joke
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. 'Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?' The doctor replies: 'It's very simple. You're two tents. '
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Kids Puns
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other?A: 'We'd better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!'
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Cannibal Joke
When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.
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Situations Humor
A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, 'How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?' The man says, 'Two's fine. ' She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. 'And cream?' she asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, 'You wouldn't dare!'
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Humor Joke
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman walking alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself 'Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me. ' He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. \r nThey were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, 'Oh no! My wife's dinner party!' He gathered all his clothes, put them on really quickly, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said - 'Come on guys, we're almost there!'
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School Joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
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Just for Laughs Joke
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured. 'The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there. ' The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?(Scroll down for the answer. ) x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xThey were M&M's!!! - (get your mind out of the gutter !!) Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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