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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny face masks and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS? -It is a no spin zone
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Job and Office Joke
The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off. * * *Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland. * * *Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please. Operator : Where are you calling from?Caller : The living room* * *Caller : The water board please. Operator : Which department?Caller : Tap water. * * *Operator : How are you spelling that?Caller : With letters. * * *Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please. Operator : Do you have his name?Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben. * * *Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please. Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?* * *On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.
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Village Idiot Joke
Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.
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Cow Joke
What did the calf say to the silo? 'Is my fodder in there?'
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Weirdest Joke
Roy walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs Roy that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?Roy is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, Roy stumbles in the SIDE door of the 'same' bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely but more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. He looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, Roy bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. Roy surprisingly looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries - 'MAAAN! How many bars do you work at!?!?!'
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Elephant Joke
Who lost a herd of elephants ? Big bo peep !
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American Joke
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive.
They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
'Well,' he whispered, 'I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!'
He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!''
'We were standing there shaking hands in the middle of the road when the truck hit us. '
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Weirdest Joke
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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