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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny engagement gifts and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Cold Hands There's an Ahmish girl riding in a buggy with her mother, and she say's 'my hands are really cold, how can I warm them up?' Her mother say's 'Put them between your legs, that will warm them up. ' So she does, and her mother was right. The next day the girl is riding in the buggy with her boyfriend, and he says his hands are cold, so the girl say's, 'Put them between my legs, that will warm them up. ' So he does, and his hands get warm. The next day he has a cold nose, and they use the same remedy. The day after that he say's 'My dick is really cold' and the girl says, 'Put it between my legs and warm it up. ' So he does. She's talking to her mother the next day and she asks, 'Mom have you ever heard of a penis?' Her mother says, 'Yes, why do you ask?' She says I don't know what they are, but they make an awful mess when they thaw out!
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Relationships Joke
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and inthe center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and startedto rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and hesaid 'I want to know the person you hate the most'The explorer said 'That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?''I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever youwish for your ex-wife will get double the amount. ''OK, I wish for a billion dollars''Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion''I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tenniscourts, everything''Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish'The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with astick and said 'Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death. '
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Computer Joke
What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
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Firefighter Joke
Q. How do you put out a fire? A. Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!
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Bar Joke - 1
I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.
The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
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Monster Joke
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
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Election Joke
A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.
'Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?' exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.
'not exactly' replied the surgeon, 'the politician's has never been used. '
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Blonde Joke - 2
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, 'Ready . . . Aim . . . 'Suddenly the brunette yells, 'earthquake!!' Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, 'Ready . . . Aim . . . 'The redhead then screams, 'tornado!!' Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . . 'The blonde shouts, 'fire!!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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