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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny eid messages and other funny jokes |
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Computing Joke
Computer Problem Report Form1. Describe your problem:________________________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problemaccurately:________________________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the causeof the problem:________________________________________________________________4. Problem Severity: A. Minor __ B. Minor __ C. Minor __ D. Trivial __5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up __ B. Frozen __ C. Hung __ D. Strange Smell __6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __9. Have you made it worse? Yes __10. Have you had a friend who knowsall about computers. Try to fix itfor you?Yes __ No __11. Did they make it even worse?Yes __12. Have you read the manual?Yes __ No __13. Are you sure you've read the manual?Maybe __ No __14. Are you absolutely you'veread the manual?No __15. If you read the manual, do you thinkyou understood it?Yes __ No __16. If Yes, then explain why you can'tfix the problem yourself. ________________________________________________________________17. What were you doing with your computerat the time the problem occurred?________________________________________________________________l8. If you answered nothing, then explainwhy you were logged in?________________________________________________________________l9. Are you sure you aren't imaginingthe problem?Yes __ No __20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink12:00?Yes __ What's a VCR? __21. Do you have a copy of PCs for Dummies?Yes __ No __22. Do you have any independent witnessesto the problem?Yes __ No __23. Do you have any electronics productsthat DO work?Yes __ No __24. Is there anyone else you could blamethis problem on?Yes __ No __25. Have you given the machine a good whackon the top?Yes __ No __26. Is the machine on fire?Yes __ Not Yet __27. Can you do something else instead ofbothering me?Yes __
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College Humor
Why do Farts stink?So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.
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Ethnic Humor
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeingtour with a very rich African king who was a very importantclient. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretaryis quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, . . . don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way todissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, 'I will only marry youunder three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-caratdiamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara. 'The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, 'Noproblem!! I have. I have. 'Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, 'Iwant you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, Iwant a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France. 'The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone andcalls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nodshis head and says, 'Okay, okay. I build. I build. ' Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows thatshe'd better make this a good one. She takes her time tothink and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squintsher eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, 'Since I like sex, Iwant the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis. 'The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and restshis elbows on the table, all the while muttering in Africandialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, lookingreally sad, and says to the woman, 'Okay, okay. I cut. Icut. '
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Military Joke
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !
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Men Joke
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
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Bar Joke - 2
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. 'Sure, ' GOD says, 'Go right ahead'. 'OK, ' the man says. 'Why did you make women so pretty?' GOD says, 'So you would like them. ' 'OK, ' the guy says. 'But how come you made them so beautiful?' 'So you would LOVE them', GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, 'But why did you make them such airheads?' GOD says, 'So they would love you!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Eileen.
Eileen who?
Eileen on a wall when I'm tired!
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Statistics and Math Joke
Theorem: 1$ = 1c. Proof:And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing. 1$ = 100c= (10c)^2= (0. 1$)^2= 0. 01$= 1cHere $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci. physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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