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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny ecard and other funny jokes |
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Spiked Humor
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest. . . and on, and on. One afternoon an orderly entered the room. 'Time to take your temperature, General. 'After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. 'Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end. 'A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, 'Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you' and withdrew. An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, 'What's going on here?''Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?' the general barked. 'Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?'
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Science Joke
New scientific theories3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdevelopedbecause they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet meansthe Chinese cannot use 'acronyms'; thus, they cannot communicatetheir ideas at a faster rate.
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Strange Humor
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 years-old. Hateful little dog. ----------------------------------Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog----------------------------------Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog----------------------------------German Shepherd - 85lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free!----------------------------------1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer----------------------------------Amana Washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed. ----------------------------------Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. ----------------------------------2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15. ----------------------------------Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $'6
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Cow Joke
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
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Comedy Joke
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me, can you help me?I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am. 'The woman below replied, 'You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. ''You must be an engineer, ' said the balloonist. 'I am, ' replied the woman. 'How did you know?''Well, ' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far. 'The woman below responded, 'You must be in management. ' 'I am, ' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?' 'Well, ' said the woman, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!'
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Ethnic Humor
A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. Heputs his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at hismother and says 'Look Momma, I'm a white boy. ' His mother slaps him hardon the face and says 'Boy, go show your Daddy. ' The boy goes into theliving room and says 'Look Daddy, I'm a white boy. ' His Daddy slaps himon the face, too and says, 'Boy, go show your grandmother. ' So the boygoes to see his grandma and says 'Look Granny, I'm a white boy. ' Sheslaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says'Well, did you learn something from all this?' The boy shakes his headand says 'I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutesand I already hate you black people'.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste.
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Law Joke
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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