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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny e cards and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, 'Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?' The priest says, 'Because I'm a father. ' Johnny says, 'Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards. ' The priest says 'You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children. ' Johnny says, 'You should wear your trousers backwards. '
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Journalist Joke
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? 'We just report the facts, we don't change them. ' Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
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Clean Humor
The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment. I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter not tell you or you'll get angry!
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Rabbit Joke
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
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Fishing Joke
When fish play football, who is the captain ? The team's kipper !
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Banana Joke
What did the boy banana say to the girl banana? 'You have a lot of appeal. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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