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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny dummies and other funny jokes |
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Parent Joke
What's another name for an parent? Someone Who's stopped growing except around the waist.
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Situation Joke
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete theirplaying time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, 'Now, who is going to tell the wife?' They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. 'Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me. ' Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, 'Your husband just lost $500 playing cards. 'She hollers, 'TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!'Rippington says, 'I'll tell him. '
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Assorted Joke
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. . . 'I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum. ''You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?''Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, 'Thanks. '
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Totally Weird Joke
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you?A: 'Is it mine?'
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Computing Joke
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together. It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them. Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.
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Easy to Remember Joke
One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother'shair and sadly said: 'Why is some of your hair white mommy?'The mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white. The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said. . . 'Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?'
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Legal Humor
Whats the difference between a bunch of lawyers in a porcheand a porcupine? - A porcupine has pricks on the outside!
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Old Age Joke
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, 'Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. '
'I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. '
'The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37. '
'Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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