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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny driving pictures and other funny jokes |
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Criminal Joke
What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.
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Instrument Joke
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. 'Help!' cried the cellist, 'I can't swim!''Don't worry, ' said the violist, 'just fake it. '
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Business Joke
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. 'Listen, ' said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?' 'Certainly, ' the young executive says. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button. 'Excellent, excellent!' says the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy. '
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Funny Famous Joke
Q: Why don't blondes double their recipes?A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
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Situation Joke
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect fortheir fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing timestanding up. Roberts looks around and asks, 'Now, who is going to tell the wife?' They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. 'Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me. ' Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Rippington says, 'Your husband just lost $500 playing cards. ' She hollers, 'TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!' Rippington says, 'I'll tell him. '
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?A: Cats can't drive!Q: What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?A: A mutt in a rut!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?A: A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?A: A jolly collie!Q: What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?A: A dingo-ling!Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?A: A shampoodle!Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?A: Wire haired terriers!!Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?A: Any kind of bloodhound!Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?A: A bud hound!
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Bumper Stickers - 2
All Men Are Idiots. . . And I Married Their King.
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Business Joke
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, 'You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know That's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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