|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny door mats and other funny jokes |
|
Yo Mama Joke
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was 'illegitiment' because she couldn't read Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M+M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice. Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money. Yo mama so stupid she asked you 'What is the number for 911' Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put 'O. K. ' Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread. Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean! Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home. Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund. Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo mama so stupid that under 'Education' on her job apllication, she put 'Hooked on Phonics. ' Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind. Yo mama so stupid she watches 'The Three Stooges' and takes notes.
= = = = = = = = = =
Old People Joke
OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zoneOLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucketOLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine awayOLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their coolOLD FROGS never die, they just croakOLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishesOLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retireOLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalizeOLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolateOLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their driveOLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rezOLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mountOLD HAMS never die, they just get groundedOLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chipsOLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air
= = = = = = = = = =
Golf Joke
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, 'You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree. '
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, 'Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Worlds Best Joke
One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him 'inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one. ' Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him. . . . . 'what happened?' Mark asks shakily. 'Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital. ' 'Why do my privates hurt so bad?' Mark asked anxiously. . John replies 'Well you activated the automatic tampon remover. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Assorted Joke
Many years agao, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod --one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, 'Sorry, no room. The hotel is full. 'The Jewish lady said, 'But your sign says that you have vacancies. ' The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, 'You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town. . . 'Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, 'I'll have you know, I converted to your religion. 'The desk clerk said, 'Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?'Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem. ''Very good, ' replied the hotel clerk. 'Tell me more. 'Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born in a manger. ''That's right, ' said the hotel clerk. 'And why was he born in a manger?'Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, 'Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Computer Joke
Here's some descriptions of airplanes run by various operating systems: DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up. OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash. Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, uneventful takeoff. Then: BOOM! You blow up without any warning whatsoever. NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard. Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building. CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.
= = = = = = = = = =
Bar Joke - 1
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. 'Why not,' asks the golf club.
'You'll be driving later,' replies the bartender.
= = = = = = = = = =
Computers Joke
Does DEC still make toasters. . . ? They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
