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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny dog toys and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . . Says He: 'I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today'Says She: 'But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear. 'Says He: 'OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?'Says She: 'Well, the air bag works. . . '
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Situation Joke
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, 'Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?' I said, 'Fire and theft. 'Insurance agent frowned. 'Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft. 'Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's burning down.
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King Kong Joke
Why is King Kong big and hairy? So you can tell him apart from a gooseberry.
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Simple Joke
Late one night a car was swerving all over the road. A police officer pulled them over and went up to the vehicle. He then noticed it was the local preacher, Father McBrian. The officer then asked him why he was swerving all over the road. He said he wasn't. The officer immediately asked him, 'Father, have you been drinking?' 'No. . . ' replied Father. 'Is that liquor in your bottle there Father?' suggested the officer. 'No it's just water' answered Father. The officer took it and smelled it. He then said 'Father this is wine. 'Father then burst 'Praise the Lord, He's Done It Again!'
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Religion Joke
Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?A. They both have balls just for decoration.
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Law Enforcement Joke
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, 'STOP! Acts 2:38!' ('Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven. ')As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, 'Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse. ''Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an axe and two 38's!'
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Simple Joke
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out 'GREEN SIDE UP!'In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!' The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'The lady then asked him, 'Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?''I'm sorry, ' came the reply. 'But I have a crew of engineers laying sod across the street.
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Comedy Joke
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?A: Grade4.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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