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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny dog games and other funny jokes |
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Lawyer Joke
In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, 'I only build coffins now. '
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Bar Joke - 1
A brain walks into a bar and says, 'I'll have a pint of beer please. 'The barman looks at him and says 'Sorry, I can't serve you. ''Why not?' askes the brain. 'You're already out of your head. '
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Religion Joke
What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?'The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul. '
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Heaven and hell Joke
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said 'Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence. ' Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence. . . but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. 'Satan!' beckoned God. 'You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!' 'Yeah? What if I don't?' replied the devil. 'I'll sue you if I have to, ' answered God. 'Sure, ' laughed Satan. 'Where are you going to find a lawyer?'
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Old age Joke
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure. '
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the Puerto Rican secretary who was getting so experienced she could type twenty mistakes a minute?
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair !
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Joke of the Day
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, 'Now, do you remember what the plan is?' The blonde sighed and replied, 'Yeah, yeah, I remember. . . ' The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, 'Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!' The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car. . . and waited. . . and waited. . . and waited. . . and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, 'Stop! Stop!' while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, 'What the hell happened in there?!?' The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, 'What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!' The brunette paused and yelled, 'YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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