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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny dog costumes and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Brent ! Brent who ? Brent out of shape !
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Men Joke
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, 'Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite. '
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Medical Joke
Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?Sister: He thinks he's a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
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Simple Joke
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. 'Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?' 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--' 'I didn't ask for any details, ' the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?' 'Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--' 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so. 'Well, ' said the farmer, 'as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'
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Cop Joke
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, 'The 10 Most Wanted. ' One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes, ' said the policeman, 'the detectives want him very badly. ' So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, 'Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?'
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Dumb Men Joke
Q: What's the best way to kill a man? A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
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Medical Joke
Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. 'I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it. ''Ridiculous, ' said the doctor. 'you'd never know if you had thedisease or not. With that ailment there's no discomfort of anykind. ''Right, ' said Herman, 'those are my exact symptoms. '
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Marriage Joke
I bet you don't know what day this is, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: 'Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?' With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation. His wife was indeed surprised: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!' she exclaimed, 'I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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