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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny dog clips and other funny jokes |
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Ghost Joke
Why were the ghosts wet and tired? They had just dread-ged the lake.
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Funny Men Joke
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!''It's not just one car, ' said Herman, 'It's hundreds of them!'
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Animal World
Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead. . . Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too. . . Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?peer pressure. . .
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Funny Famous Joke
Johnny was, by all accounts, the worst eight year old kid on earth. He stole, lied, beat-up his sister, just about any trouble this kid could get into, he did. Nonetheless, Johnny wanted a bicycle for Christmas. Johnny goes to his mother and demands, 'Mom, for Christmas, I want a bicycle!' To this his mother replies, 'Yea, right, . . . Santa's not comming to THIS house you little brat, you've stolen from all the neighbors, shoplifted, beat-up kids at school, you'll be lucky if you even get a lump of coal. 'Enraged, Johnny storms up to his room. After about an hour, he decides he will appeal his case to God. So he grabs a tablet and starts to write his letter to God. Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I will never steal again. . . 'No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying. ' So he tears up this letter and starts again. Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I'll wash Mom's dishes for all year. . . 'No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying. ' So he tears up this letter and starts again. Evenually, Johnny uses up the entire tablet and has only one sheet left but still no letter to God. Then it hits him. He runs out of the house and down to the church. In the church, he finds the Madona and snatches it, runs home, and hides it under the bed. Then he writes:Dear God, If you ever want to see your mother again, have Santa Claus deliver a bicycle to my house on Christmas. . .
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Silliest Joke
Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that?Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case. Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
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Animal World
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says 'Ok, old fellow, time to retire. ' The old rooster says 'You can't handle all these chickens. . . . look at what it did to me!' The young rooster replies, 'Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike. ' The old rooster says, 'Aw, c'mon. . . . . just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you. ' The young rooster says, 'Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!' So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, 'I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. ' The young rooster says, 'You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start. ' They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck 'Go!' and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says 'Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!'
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Worst Joke
Bob: Can you see farther during the day or at night?Joe: During the day of course. Bob: Wrong! During the day you can only see the sun but at night you cansee the stars.
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Sporting Joke
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, 'Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up. ' He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, 'Did you have a good trip?' 'Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas. ' 'Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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