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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cursors and other funny jokes |
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Computing Joke
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to 'Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it. 'About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
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Various animal Joke
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !
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Bible Joke
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago wasstranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that didnot admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, 'Sorry, noroom. The hotel is full. ' The Jewish lady said, 'But yoursign says that you have vacancies. ' The desk clerkstammered and then said curtly, 'You know that we do notadmit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town. . . ' Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, 'I'll have youknow I converted to your religion. ' The desk clerk said, 'Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?' Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born to a virgin named Maryin a little town called Bethlehem. ' 'Very good, ' replied the hotel clerk. 'Tell me more. ' Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born in a manger. ' 'That's right, ' said the hotel clerk. 'And why was he born in amanger?' Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, 'Because a jerk like you in thehotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!'
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Priceless Joke
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?Oh! Look!! Doughnut seeds!!!
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Priceless Joke
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished. 'Yeah daddy, yeah daddy, ' said the little boy. After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends. 'Say, Pop, ' said the boy. 'Yes, ' replied his father. 'The bull just screwed the brown cow!' There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said 'Excuse me' and took his son outside. 'Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull 'surprised' the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull 'surprises' the white cow. ' The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, 'Hey, Daddy!' 'Yes, son. Did the bull 'surprise' the white cow?' 'He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!'
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Worlds Best Joke
Three cowboys, a Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian, were sitting around a campfire smoking, drinking and having a good time. The Texan takes a full bottle of the finest tequila, throws it up in the air and shoots it to pieces. The Californian and Oregonian are clearly dismayed at that show, and ask 'Now what'd you go and do THAT for?' The Texan just drawled 'Where I come from, we got a lot of those. 'Not to be outdone, the Californian reaches in his saddle bag and pulls out a full bottle of the best Californian wine there is. He throws the bottle in the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it to pieces. The Oregonian and the Texan both groan, but the Californian is quick to point out 'Where I come from, we've got a lot of those. 'Next the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of the best microbrew beer that Portland makes. He throws the bottle high up in the air, takes out his gun, shoots the Californian, catches the bottle, and proceeds to drink the beer. Horrified, the Texan asks why he would go and do a thing like that. 'Well, where I come from, we got a lot of those, but the bottle's worth a nickel. '
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Business Joke
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, 'Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. 'I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. 'The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37. ''And that's how you built an empire?' the boy asked. 'Heavens, no!' the man replied. 'Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars. '
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Sad Joke
This Zen Buddhist Monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vender, 'Give me one with everything'. So the vender makes him a hotdog with everything, hands it to the Buddhist Monk. The Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill, the vender takes it, puts it in his cash register and shuts the door. The Buddhist says, 'Wait, where's my change?'The vender replies, 'Change must come from within'.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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