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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cufflinks and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, 'That's it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver. 'Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, 'Sorry Sam, it's for after. '
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Blonde Joke - 2
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island. One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes. All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each. The brunette said, 'I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened. ', and poof her wish was granted. The redhead said, 'I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened. ', and poof her wish was granted. Then the blond said, 'I wish my friends were here with me. '
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Situations Humor
A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. 'What do you want, sonny?' she asks him. 'Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night, ' heanswers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door. 'Who's out there? Does he look decent?' they ask. Gladys says, 'It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on. 'The other two spinsters giggle and say, 'The hell with what color it is. . . let him in!'
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Computer Joke
***IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM MICRASOFT***
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Texas Edition Of Windows '2000 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Texas. If you have one of the Texas Editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Texas Edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads 'WINDERS '2000' with a background picture of the Alamo superimposed on the Texas Flag and it is shipped with a Leann Rimes screen saver. NOTE: Recycle Bin is labeled 'Outhouse' My Computer is called 'This Infernal Contraption' Dialup Networking is called 'Good ol' Boys' Control Panel is known as the 'Dashboard' Hard Drive is referred to as 'Wheel Drive'
Floppies are 'Them Little Plastic Disc Thangs OTHER FEATURES: Instead of an Error Message you get a Winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. TERMINOLOGY:
'Ats Awright = OK Heck No = Cancel Aw Shoot = Reset Shore = Yes Naaaw = No Hunt Fer It = Find Over Yonder = Go to Back Yonder = Back Hep = Help Ternit Off = Stop
Crank 'er Up = Start Sittins = Settings Stuff At Does Stuff = Programs Stuff I Done Done = Documents Also note Winders '2000 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Spell check has been deactivated. We regret any inconvenience it may have caused you if you received a copy of the Texas Edition. Micrasoft User Support Staff :-)
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School Joke for Kids
A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hireda young native to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flockof birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim. The guide grabbed his arm and said 'Oh, no! These are foo birds andto shoot one means terrible things will happen to you! The manfigured that was only a superstion of the natives and shot one down. Then the rest of the flock returned aand pooped all over him. He hollared at the boy, 'I must have some water right away to washthis mess off. The boy said 'Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo birdoff means sudden death immediately! Again the hunter ignored hisadvice, found water and got cleaned off. Sure enough he dropped dead then and there. The moral of this storyis 'If the foo shits, wear it. '
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Children Joke
Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked in, and said, 'good morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I'm going to give you a word and I want you to put it in a sentence for me. ' She said 'Spanky you're first. Your word is football. ' Spanky stood up and proudly said ' I threw the football, ' and sat down. The teacher said 'very good Spanky. ' Then the teacher said, 'Darla, you're next. Your word is pretty. ' Darla stood up and said, ' I think I'm very pretty!' Then she sat down. Then the teacher called on Buckwheat. She said, 'Buckwheat, you're next. Your word is dictate. ' Buckwheat stood up looked at Arial, and said, 'Hey Darla! How'd my dic tate las nigh?
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lemonade.
Lemonade Who?
Lemonade me introduce you to all my friends!
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Stupidity should be punished.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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