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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny council complaints and other funny jokes |
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Weird Facts
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2' by 3-1/2'.
During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur,' a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries. . . . )
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, 'Elementary, my dear Watson. '
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
Weatherman Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald.
If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)
Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA. '
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Sport Joke
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
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Women Joke
One woman to another at a singles bar: 'I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'
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Biologist Joke
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened. 'You know what a crew boss is?' he asked. 'The one who stands around and watches everyone else work. ' 'What's that got to do with it?' they asked. 'Well, he just got jealous of me, ' the young biologist explained. 'Everyone thought I was the crew boss. '
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School Joke for Kids
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest. . . and on, and on. One afternoon an orderly entered the room. 'Time to take your temperature, General. 'After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. 'Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end. 'A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, 'Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you' and withdrew. An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, 'What's going on here?''Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?' the general barked. 'Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?'
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Religious Joke
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm '23
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Situation Joke
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill. ' Later, he got a bill for $200. '00
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Parent Joke
Father: ' I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television. ' Son: ' I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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