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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cooking aprons and other funny jokes |
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Situation Joke
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to thefront door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?, ' hesays. 'That's cool' says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobbyreplies politely that they will probably just go to the sodashop or a movie. Carrie's father responds 'why don't you two go out and screw?I hear all the kids are doing it. ' Naturally, this comes as aquite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. 'Yeah, ' says Carries father, 'Carrie really likes to screw;she'll screw all night if we let her!'Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan forthe evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minuteslater, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt andannounces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless withanticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:'Dammit Daddy! It's called the twist!'
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Insect Joke
Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ? 'Why are we running so fast ?' said one Because it says 'Tear along the dotted line'
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?
Lap-top!
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Funny College Joke
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied. . . 'Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?'
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Law Enforcement Joke
What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.
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American Joke
How many wives does the average American husband have?
Answer: 10, 1 at home and 9 in Utah.
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Situation Joke
On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy dueto motion sickness. She make her way to the restroom, only to find itlocked. She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried tofight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the rightand threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was thereforeunaware of what had happened. When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit. Turning to him, Mrs. Davis said, 'There now, are you feeling better?'!
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Short Stupid Joke
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:His obnoxious brother. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Please Gogh His dizzy aunt. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store. . . . . . . Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white. . . . . . . . . . Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chica Gogh His magician uncle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wherediddy Gogh His Italian uncle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Day Gogh His Mexican cousin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother. . . . . . . . . . Grin Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wellsfar Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Go Gogh The bird lover uncle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E Gogh The fruit loving cousin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wayto Gogh The little bouncy nephew. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Poe Gogh And his niece who travels the country in a van. . . . . . Winnie Bay Gogh
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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