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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny congratulations and other funny jokes |
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Computing Joke
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.
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Weather Joke
How can you tell if a tornado is stupid? -If it spins anti-cyclonically
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Various animal Joke
What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)
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Very Silly Joke
Man - A Chemical AnalysisElement: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole) Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches. Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs) Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen. Physical properties : a) Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God. c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore. . . zzzzz). f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature. g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year. i) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore. j) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are appliedChemical properties : a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. b) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions. c) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo. d) Usually willing to react with whatever is available. e) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red. f) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody. g) When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. h) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers. i) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. j) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness. Storage : a) Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style. Uses : a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo. . . b) Can be used in recreational activities. Tests : a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths. Caution : a) Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.
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Dirty Joke
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ? Closure ! Closure who ? Closure mouth when you eat !
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Funny Joke
I saw a garbage truck driving yesterday. You never told me you were moving.
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Office Humor
PRESS RELEASE:Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!WE HAVE PLEDGED:- 2 BATTLE SHIPS, - 600 GROUND TROOPS, - 6 FIGHTER JETS. AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:- 2 CANOES, - 6 MOUNTIES, - AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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