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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny comedy scripts and other funny jokes |
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Bird Joke
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
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Bumper Stickers - 7
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
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Heaven and hell Joke
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. 'Welcome to Heaven, ' said St. Peter. 'Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you. ' 'No problem, just let me in. ' said the woman. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. ' 'Actually, I think I've made up my mind. . . I prefer to stay in Heaven', said the woman. 'Sorry, we have rules. . . ' And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The d oors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. 'Now it's time to spend a day in heaven, ' he said. \r \n So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. 'So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity, ' he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, 'Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell. ' So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. 'I don't understand, ' stammered the woman, 'yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable. ' The Devil looked at her and smiled. 'Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff. '
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Dog Joke - 1
What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.
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Bible Joke
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with 'WWJD' printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for 'What Would Jesus Do', and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. The man thought a moment and then replied, 'Well, I'm damn sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17. 95 for one of these caps. '
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Practical Joke
The top 10 things men know about women are:1. 2. 3. 4. 5. (I think you get it where we're going with this. )6. 7. (Hey Guys. . . 'check out #8. . . a new one!)8. 9. 10.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.
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Funny College Joke
One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, 'Clinton Soup', that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water!Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: 'I don't know, I never had one. 'If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her dad, 'Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?' Bill Clinton replied, 'No, some begin with 'After I'm elected'. 'Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered. American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as 'Walking Eagle' because he is so full of crap he can't fly. Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: integrity, vision, and wisdom. Clinton is doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly, and Moe. Revised judicial oath: 'I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know. 'Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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