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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny christmas wallpaper and other funny jokes |
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Police Joke
A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. 'I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?' Stated the counsel for the insurance company. 'Yes, that's right, ' replied the farmer, nodding his head. 'You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life. ' Is that the case?''Yeah, but' stammered the farmer. 'A simple yes or not will suffice, ' counsel interrupted quickly. 'Yes, ' Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. 'Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health, ' his lawyer said. 'Certainly, ' replied the farmer. 'After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. 'Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. 'Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?'
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Humor Joke
Q. Why did the belt go to jail? A. Because he held up a pair of pants!
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Spoof Joke
A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book, ' she replies (thinking it was obvious). 'You're in a restricted fishing area' he informs her. 'I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I am reading' she replies. 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up' the warden says. 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you!' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. '
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Spoof Joke
Never slap a man who chews tobacco. There are many many more asses in the world than donkeys. Wooden legs are not hereditary, wooden heads are. Free cheese is always in a mouse trap. An ugly carpet will last forever.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Good News, Bad News, Worse News V Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Worse: With corrections
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Joke for Dummies
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969. ' The other points his thumb behind him and says, 'Dog crap, 20 feet back. '
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Accountant Joke
What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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Bible Joke
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueacross the street from each other. Since their schedulesintertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in thestreet between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw thepriest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't needa wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he wasdoing. 'I'm blessing it' the priest replied. The rabbi replied 'Oh, ' then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to thecar and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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