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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny christmas presents and other funny jokes |
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Love and Marriage Joke
A man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way that he breaks the other man's heart.
The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say,'Oh why? Why did you have to die? Why did you go?'
And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying, 'Oh why did you die? Why did you go so soon?'
Intringued, the other guy goes to him and says, 'I'm so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you? Who is the person you are crying over so desperately?' he asks, in compassion.
'That's my wife's third husband,' comes the reply between sobs. 'I'm number four. '
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Very Silly Joke
A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. 'Don't let me spoil a good time for you, ' she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed. After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, 'I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around. ' She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched. There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very close and whispered that they should go outside. Going to one of the cars, they made love. Prior to the midnight unmasking, she left and went home to wait for her husband to return so she could confront him. He arrived home about 1:00 a. m. and climbed into bed. She sat up and asked 'Well, how was the party?'He replied, 'It was no fun without you honey. 'She said, 'I don't believe you. I bet you had lots of fun!'He replied, 'Really, Honey. When I got to the party, some of the guys and I got bored and we went downstairs and played poker all night. But you know, that guy I loaned my costume to had one hell of a great time!'
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At Work Joke
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottlenipples. The machine makes a loud 'hiss-pop' noise. 'The hiss is the rubberbeing injected into the mold, ' explains the guide. 'The popping sound isthe needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple. 'Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms aremanufactured. The machine makes a 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop' noise. 'Waita minute!' says the man taking the tour. 'I understand what the 'hiss, hiss, ' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?''Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine, ' says theguide. 'It pokes a hole in every fourth condom. ''Well, that can't be good for the condoms!''Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce? the solicitor questioned his client. 'Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?' 'Oh, no, ' replied Mrs. O'Connor. 'Shure now, we have a carport. ' The solicitor tried again. 'Well, does the man beat you up?' 'No, no, ' said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. 'OI'm always first out of bed. ' Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. 'What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have. ' 'Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds. ' 'Mrs. O'Connor, ' the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, 'you need a reason that the court can consider. 'What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?' 'Ah, well now, ' said the lady, 'Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation. '
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Men Joke
Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stoll?A: you turn it over!Sent by gms38
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Naughty Joke
Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker, and he says, 'How much?'She says, 'Twenty bucks. 'He says, 'All right. 'They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, heruns into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars. She says, 'What the extra five?'He says, 'That's for blowing the sand off my balls. '
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Joke Online
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, 'Gentlemen. ' Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
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Situations Humor
A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, 'Yes it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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