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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny christmas limericks and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, 'Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank. ''But we's privates, ' protests Junior. 'NO, we's sergeants now, ' says Bubba, pulling him inside'Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank. ''But, we's privates, ' says Junior. 'You blind, boy!' says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. 'We's Sergeants now!'So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba. 'You're cute, ' she says, 'and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea. 'Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, 'Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign. 'Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign. Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. 'Junior, ' he says, 'What you give me the okay for?!''Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates. 'Then he pointed to his stripes and says, 'But we's Sergeants now!
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Spiked Humor
A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump. The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town. (It was a steep hill) It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. Suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter. The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said. . 'You got anything to stop this coffin?'
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Bus Joke
Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?
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Rabbit Joke
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
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Joke for Kids
The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . . After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: 'Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide. 'Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made. The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: 'Now there are two!'
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Relationships Joke
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:'You are not getting older, You are just getting better. 'When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, 'Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom. 'It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to servethe cake that he discovered it read:'YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM. '
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Job and Office Joke
Casual Fridays:Week 1 - Memo No. 1Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 - Memo No. 2Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins. Week 6 - Memo No. 3Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success. Week 8 - Memo No. 4A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory. Week 9 - Memo No. 5As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress. Week 14 - Memo No. 6The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled 'Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards. ' A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter 'You Are What You Wear' and consult the 'home casual' versus 'business casual' checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a. m. on Friday. Week 18 - Memo No. 7Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day. Week 20 - Memo No. 8Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.
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Easter Joke
Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry? Because it's always on a sundae!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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