|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny christmas hats and other funny jokes |
|
Computing Joke
User(To the tune of Beck's 'Loser')In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkieJolt in my brains and body feeling chunkyWith the plastic mouse balls spray paint the CommodoreSystem install with the hard drive on the floorKill the process and put it in /dev/'null'Email flaming with the user hitting D-controlShell's called Reno and it's written in CGot a couple of xterms, keys set to repeatRoot came sayin' I'm insane to complainAbout an online wedding and a stain on my screenDon't believe everything that you make(1)You get a cracker from Europe and a login that's fakeSo write your code in Perl in the darkSaving all your hacks for working at a tech parkYo - punch itSo - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Double dense floppy)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?Forces of evil in a MUD/MOO nightmareBan all the members in a phony #chat channel 'causeOne's got a handle and the other's got a . planOne online spammed the other and ranWith the FTP and the insane print jobThe daytime crap of the alt. test slobHe hung himself with a call to pingTwenty milliseconds and it's spitting out another stringRTFM if you can't relateTrade the Sun for a car and the Web for a dateAnd MIME is a nifty hack for mailing to a newbieThat's choking on my MPEGsSo - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Get crazy with the caps lock)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Drive-by BIFF post). . . Yo, bring it on down. . . I'm a hacker, I'm a winnerProgram's gonna work, I can feel itSo - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(I can't retrieve you)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(NULL)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Sprecken sie DOS, eh, baby)So - dumping coreI'm a user, baby, so why don't you kill(1) me?(Know what I'm typin'?)
= = = = = = = = = =
Worst Joke
A man was brought to the hospital, and taken quickly in for emergency surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine, ' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?''No, I'm not, ' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister. ' 'Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun essayed. 'Just my sister in New York, ' he volunteered. 'But she's a spinster nun. ''Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God. ''Really. . . wonderful, ' said Smith. 'In that case, you can send the bill to my brother-in-law!
= = = = = = = = = =
Zodiac Joke
Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy of the 'Bluffer's Guide to Changing Lightbulbs. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Dead and dying Joke
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, 'That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver. ' Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, 'Sorry Sam, it's for after. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Red Indian Joke
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, 'You see that Indian?''Yeah, ' says the other cowboy. 'Look, ' says the first one, 'he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction. 'Just then the Indian looks up. 'Covered wagon, ' he says, 'about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon. ''Incredible!' says the cowboy to his friend. 'This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!'The Indian looks up and says, 'Ran over me about a half hour ago. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 7
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
= = = = = = = = = =
Religion Joke
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theweekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priestexplained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a fewpaces back and pitched the money towards the circle. Whatlanded in the circle he kept and what landed outside thecircle god kept. The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priestand the money that landed inside the circle god kept. The rabbi said, 'I've got you both beat. I throw the moneyinto the air and what god wants, god takes. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Farmer Joke
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. 'Pa, the chickens got loose, ' the boy confessed sadly, 'but I managed to find all twelve of them. ' 'Well, you did real good, son, ' the farmer beamed. 'You left with seven. '
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
