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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny christmas gifts and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day. 2. Nice legs. . . what time do they open?3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. 9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me. 10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. 11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag. 12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. 13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. 15. Are those real? 16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy. 17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. 18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself. 20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. 21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?22. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor. 24. My name is (name). . . remember that, you'll be screaming it later. 25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. 27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute. 28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. 29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to. 30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public. 32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover. . . you shouldn't go home without me. 34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them. 36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room. 37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
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Aviation Joke
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'
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Worst Joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. 'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!''I see millions of stars, ' Watson said. 'What does that tell you?' Holmes asked. Watson replied. 'Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?''Watson, you idiot, ' he said. 'Someone has stolen our tent!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Yadbrabad.
Yadbrabad who?
Yadbrabad discovered a cure for the lemon dropping that plagued the world.
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Romance Joke
The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. 'Get this. . . ' he chuckled, 'That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in the building except one. ' 'Hmmmmmmmmm, ' said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, 'must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor. '
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Joke for Kids
What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?A last name.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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